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Jessica Alba blowjob? Well, not quite. But for now this is as good as it gets. She sure goes to work on that lolipop. One can only imagine the kind of skills she would have when focusing all of her attention sucking something else. …

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The sun soaked beauty would play a cornea transplant recipient who sees disturbing images in the mirror that send her on a quest to find out what happened to the eye’s previous owner. (Strangely enough the cause of the transplant is not due to a punch in the face by the jealous Zellweger).

It all sounds a bit creepy and we too may need an eye transplant when the movie finally hits the screens, after our eyes pop out of their sockets admiring the amazing curves of Queen Alba. Filming of “The Eye” will commence after her work on the “Fantastic Four” sequel is finished. Let’s hope that her costume is even tighter and more revealing than in the first movie.

Jessica Alba has forgiven Hugh Hefner for putting her on the March 2006 cover of Playboy magazine, after he pledged to donate substantial sums to charities of the her choice. The star threatened legal action after the magazine allegedly ‘tricked’ Colombia Pictures into allowing them to use a promotional picture from her film Into The Blue after she had already refused to pose for a fee.

“….There is really only one question worth asking about “Into the Blue,” the new scuba-diving, treasure-hunting, lotsa-fish action-adventure film starring Paul Walker and JESSICA ALBA. How does Jessica Alba look in a BIKINI?

Let’s be blunt: She looks good. Ridiculously good. We’re talking kings giving away kingdoms good, armies willing to sacrifice themselves en masse good. Birth of religious cults good, confirmation that Darwin was right good.

Bikini, thy name is Alba.

Oh, the MOVIE? The movie is pretty much big, dumb and awful. Which is why the bikini thing is so important. It would be important even if there weren’t a movie wrapped around it, but with a script this bad you really have to find something positive to focus on.

OK, masochists, if you must know, the movie is indeed about treasure hunting. And dope smuggling. And shark attacks. There are many exciting underwater sequences and people hold their breaths for very long times. Bullets are eventually fired. Yawn.

Walker (“The Fast and the Furious”), whose acting style makes Keanu Reeves seem like Marlon Brando, plays a professional beach-bum type who wishes he had a nice boat and all the fancy equipment needed to hunt treasure in his Caribbean neighborhood. Miraculously, a well-off lawyer buddy of his (Scott Caan) comes visiting, and they just happen to stumble upon, within yards of one another at the bottom of the ocean floor, a legendary ship filled with treasure and a dope smuggler’s airplane filled with cocaine.

Then bad guys come and blah-blah-blah.

Walker is thoroughly uninteresting and the convoluted script by Matt Johnson (who also penned “Torque,” the most delightfully bad movie of the decade so far) never makes it to so bad it’s good, stalling instead at so-bad it’s bad….”

Tom Long